Hello. Yesterday when I was about to eat dinner I turned on the tv. It was channel two and a program called Musikbyrån Da Capo, which is a music program. They showed a gig with Antony And The Johnsons, a band I had never in my life heard of. There was this guy with black hair, sitting by a piano, not moving at all and it was just so fucking great. He sounded like a sad whale and I just wanted to cry and praise him at the same time, because I haven't had a moment like this since I bought a record by Badly Drawn Boy in July. I sat there, in front of the tv, trying to eat but it was almost impossible because all I could do was to look at that sad guy by the piano. My mouth was all open in surprise. Never in my life have I heard someone who sounds like a whale, and felt like I knew exactly what this sadness meant. Hope There's Someone is from now on my favourite sad whale-song.
Apart from this and a few other things it's been two crappy weeks and I feel as empty as ever. Never have I felt more like a shell, or a role. I can sit for hours, eating carrots and drinking water and just stare into my fucking wall. I can throw a look at my skateboard, knowing that I should go skate to meditate but I just don't have enough motivation. That's defeat. I feel defeated, because when I don't even feel like skateboarding there's surely something wrong with me. And my friends and everyone around me are great but I've just turned myself off and I probably won't switch on for a while. Sorry.
PS. Congratulations Emelie and Becca. You are now 18 and still as great as ever :)
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